I want to be excited about my life – so why aren’t I? Perhaps because I’m notorious for looking at life with the glass half empty view. Why so jaded? Don’t know – but it’s exhausting. Deep down I know how truly fortunate I am, really I do.
• Who could ask for a better “lemon drop” husband who thinks the world of me, everyday? Who loves me for who I am (no matter how crazy I can get) and makes me laugh daily.
• My children, how truly blessed I am to have two thoughtful and amazing children who make me smile and laugh daily no matter what’s going on around us.
• My extended family – the majority of whom all live in Washington and are here to love and support me and my family without hesitation.
• My dear, dear friends whom I cherish daily and am so very thankful for.
• My career – yes, incredibly challenging and I don’t love it daily but I have a job in my field of study that pays the bills (mostly).
So what’s the problem? Why the feelings of anger, frustration, exhaustion, and guilt (to name a few)? Is it because I don’t have a passion for life? Why on a daily basis life becomes such a chore – the responsibilities are huge and the pressures I lay upon myself are astronomical. And again I ask, why? Someone once told me, several years ago, I was “so irrational”. And of course that ticked me off – but I’ve never forgotten it because I think there is some truth behind it.
I want to be excited about my life – to have a passion for me, outside my family and other responsibilities. Not reserved and quiet but able to speak up and truly be excited for me and others I love and support. Something for me, of course I’m too nervous, self-conscious, worried what others will think to truly ‘let my hair down’ but as a first step, my passion doesn’t have to push the limits. But what is that passion? What fires me up, something I can’t wait to do? Is it dancing (no, to afraid what others will think and I have to be perfect the first time). What about sports; soccer, swimming, running. Good, but a lot of time, money, and energy. Clearly I can talk myself out of anything. Decorating/designing – again, good but expensive and my thoughts/tastes don’t always balance with others who live in my house. What’s out there for me and how do I find it?
I don’t know – do you know your passion, outside of your family? I challenge you to find it – something you truly love (I say again, outside of family). Is it crafting, photography, scrapbooking, painting, theatre – think about what truly excites you and follow it. Cut out time in your day or week to grow this passion – when I find mine, that’s my plan!
As I continue to ponder these thoughts, I will look for a life passion maybe even try something out! I need to find myself as I don’t truly believe I’ve ever really known myself but rather how I believe everyone else thinks I should be.
Writing – I enjoy writing. I express and communicate better through writing …hummmm, maybe that’s an avenue I explore.
Thanks for reading,
Nick
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4 comments:
You have so much company along these lines, my dear!!! I've been searching for my passion for the last several years. I've been jaded by early success, then reaching the goals I laid out for myself (good marriage, great kids) ... now what? is what I ask myself daily. I'm an achiever and yet I haven't achieved much in many years. I've always climbed some ladder and now I've reached teh rung I set my sights on and suddenly stopped. I can't seem to see the next step and I'm afraid to just step up.
I've been reading a book this past week - Who Are You and What Do Yo Want? by Mick Ukleja & Robert Lorber. It's actually a really easy read and fairly simple. But I still have to do all the work and actually answer the questions they ask and do the exercises they propose. Not easy for me. What I do know is that I also need to find something just for me - not kids, not work, not managing everyone's life or the household, but something that makes me feel alive. It's hard to do that by yourself. I don't have the answers but would be willing to search with you for both our passions - let me know and maybe we can spur each other into action:) Good luck and know that many are asking the same questions. Hugs, R
Is passion and "something missing" one and the same I wonder? And if so, what is missing? Admittedly life has not been the easiest road for you so perhaps there are some underlying things that need to get weeded out so you can flourish with life just as it is (lovely, wonderful, and yet chaotic and overwhelming all at once). Or I could be totally off base. I will think on this and as Carrie says (and I love) I will "hold you in the light." Love you, k
R - I'm thrilled to know I'm not the only one searching for my passion. And love the idea to spur each other on as we search! Also curious about that book you mention.
k - thank you for your insightfulness. I believe there are several componets to my search; I feel much soul searching coming my way.
Thank you both - love you!
Nick
Let me join the soul searching brigade! I can't actually put my finger on what the definition of finding one's passion is? I do know it feels like some mystical missing ingredient that I keep searching for.
I adore my children and am crazily in love with my husband but yet I sometimes reflect: "So is this IT - what else?"
I declare I feel a deep, meaningful GNO coming on...!!
Love this post btw
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