Feeling Proud

Back in late May / early June, just two short months after starting my new position with the UW Libraries, I was told I would be "teaching HR to all the Library Supervisors." Imagine my reaction, I actually said (quietly) 'no sh*t'. Though there was a piece of me feeling excited but of course totally overwhelmed. Another month or so down the road the same co-worker who told me I'd be doing this offered to get me a coach. "A what?" A coach, to help pull the information together, keeps you on track, to guide you, etc. Okay I said not really knowing what this arrangement would look like. One key word left out of the coaching description, Accountable!

So for the next several months I met with my amazing coach, weekly - how I dreaded Wednesday mornings. We pulled the information together, she was great, though I was still scrambling the night before my first (of many more to come) HR presentations.

I need to step back for a moment and briefly mention something that has turned into a key piece for me, hence helping me feel proud of myself (not something I EVER say about me!). The University has a program for supervisors called Supervisor Leadership Program. The Libraries tailored this program, to have a Libraries specific focus, and will be running all approx 120 supervisors through the program over the next several months. The program is four full-days spread over two weeks. It's a long haul and no one truly wants to be there.

November was the kick-off session to this program. I was a student and a teacher, in the room with 21 other Library supervisors with a huge range of seniority. From Associate Deans to front line supervisors - we were all in the room together. And yet, everyone was comfortable to share experiences (the good and not so good) even if their bosses boss was in the room – truly an amazing group of people.

My presentation was the morning of day three, my nerves were frazzled but my nervousness ended quickly. My session ran long so I was unable to cover all that I'd hoped, I couldn't answer all the questions or provide great examples of the policies I was presenting but ... the room was fully engaged. This group of supervisors, from the top down, was truly interested in what I had to say. I believe most were wanting to see me, get to know me and a small peak into my personality. To know that I'm 100% different from the person who held my position for 35-yrs. To best describe the feeling - all the supervisors were truly thirsty for the information, any information, they drank it up - every one.

Many thanked me for presenting, the evaluations were positive and though initially full of self-doubt and focusing on what didn't work I surprisingly shut those feelings down and really started listening to what folks were saying. That's when I got it - the supervisor's have been locked out of knowing anything about how to be a supervisor with regard to personnel; policy, procedures and everything in-between. Amazing, truly and no wonder they 'drank up' the information I shared.

What an incredible feeling - truly, I think for the first time in my life, I was proud of myself. Shocking, really, and such an unusual feeling for me. Mind you I’ve graduated from college, gotten married, and birthed two children - never truly, deeply proud of myself for those amazing accomplishments. Then, the second most amazing piece happened - what really pushed me over the top.

Remember those Associate Dean's I was mentioning? The last day we were put into coaching groups. Four people per group the goal - to bring an issue you, as a supervisor, are working on and have the others in your group help coach you through it. My group; all the Associate Deans (whom I adore) and me! Now, I think the underlying reason for this group was so the HR Manager and the Associate Deans were not in groups with the front line supervisors. I get it, they want all to speak freely, okay fine. But I gotta say, when I saw my name in the same group as the Associate Dean's - I was jumping for joy inside. I had the most amazing level of self confidence I've ever had in my life. I was with the top group, the Associate Deans - all head of major Libraries or huge areas of the Libraries. Incredible - I was one of them.

These moments hit me like someone hitting me on the forehead saying, Duh - told ya! I am always so full of self doubt that I never think of myself as a place of resource, or that I could ever really be picked and play for the winning team. Now I know differently.

I'm finally, after 35-years on earth, feeling proud of me! And, just as important - it's okay to be a tad self-centered - I did it, I accomplished something huge.

Thanks for reading,
Nick