How would you fill in the blank? Probably depends on the day or even the moment. Every day brings new and exciting challenges being a parent. Today, mine was Ben. Sweet, loveable Ben. Ben will be 3 early July; he's very intelligent (thank you Montessori) and socially immature. For over a year we've had the same conversation with him; no hit, no throw, no kick, truly the list goes on. We would say, "he's only one" now we say "he's only two" Well he's getting ready to turn three and here we are.
Today was just as any other day in the life of the Fletcher crew. I arrived at school about 5p to pick up the kids; start with Carson who was eager and excited to see me. Stops his work and runs up to give me a big hug. Such a powerful feeling. We head down to pick up Ben. I walk in, notice a note on the white-board regarding the kids field trip tomorrow and I hear, "Mara (pause) Mara (pause) Mara." It was one of the teachers saying my name in a calm, nothing unusual or difference in her tone. We have a good, fun, humorous relationship. So I wasn't paying a lot of attention to her but rather trying to read about the field trip. As she walks over to me, she hands me an incident report and says "I'll just let you read it."
Imagine what I'm thinking at this point. The first section says "talked to Ben about his behavior and choices were not ok. He lost his play ground time." Okay, moving on to the section titled "Inappropriate behavior - he threw a plastic playhouse chair in a child's face causing the child to get a bloody nose."
How would you react? I can't even remember my initial reaction; shocked, horrified, sick to my stomach and silent. Of course I asked who, girl or boy? Girl and overall she is okay but has a bad mark on her nose. I signed the form, quickly gathered the kids and silently left the building.
Now what? I calmly explained to Ben he lost all privileges for the night and that he would be spending the night in his room. No blanket, no movie, no nothing but in your room; bath and dinner only. Didn't phase him. When asked why, "I don't know" he says with an infuriating smirk. Surprisingly I remained mostly calm. Brian got home and tried the same things - nothing got through; at least it seemed that way. Until it was time for bed and all he wanted was his blanket. Cried for about 2-hrs wanting his blanket. Both Brian and I went in and reminded him of his poor choice today and that he had lost blanket. Tomorrow was a new day and we'd work on being a big boy again in the morning.
I am so deeply angry and embarrassed (with myself), frustrated (with Ben & me), loads and loads of self doubt (the list is too long to go into but we can start with my new job), and all-in-all just want to have a good cry.
Being a Mom … is truly a life test. I’m horrible at taking tests but I’m not too proud to admit when I fail and on occasion pass. Today’s test; my fingers are still crossed that I pass.
Thanks for reading,
Nick
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4 comments:
Hang in there. You both did a great job. The problem is that he is 2. He didn't really 'hear' you until he realized his wouldn't get his blanket. Good job finally getting his attention. I'll pray he won't throw chairs when he's an adult. They put those guys on talk shows! Hugs. j
The hardest thing to do with your kids is be strong and not give in even when their punishment is more than you can take (no TV when you actually count on that time to make dinner, no bedtime story that puts them to sleep, etc.) Unfortunately, they forget even those punishments they consider so awful and have to make the same mistake over a few times until they get it. I hope Ben got it so you can rest easy knowing he will never lose the blanket privilege again!
But hang in there - the thing about kids is that they actually are their own little selves, and what they do or don't do only slightly reflects on you if looked on by strangers. Those of us who know you totally get it, as do most other parents.
Julian was a biter until he got into Ms Talona's class and then somehow it worked itself out. I hope for you that's the way it'll go with Ben - I'm sure this too chall pass:-)
See you soon - hugs, R
Thank you j and R - I deeply appreciate your humor and insight. I learned Tuesday the family is totally understanding (thankfully she has an older brother); the parents "get-it". I'm relieved for that but continue to struggle daily with helping Ben understand what it means to make good choices. one moment at a time.
Thank you my dear friends!
Nick
He is so young still. I am sorry for the constant struggle and then the guilt of being a parent when your child does live up to your, society's and life's expectations...He is a little guy still. Those consequences TOTALLY work with Audrey- as heart breaking as they are--they stick. As for my brilliant love bug that is Olivia- we're starting to get there but those things do not click the same way at all (it takes a very, very long time) so be mindful that he is his own little person at the end of the day and conventional may not work for him like it does CJ (& Audrey, etc). Snugs, k
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