What are you passionate about?

I want to be excited about my life – so why aren’t I? Perhaps because I’m notorious for looking at life with the glass half empty view. Why so jaded? Don’t know – but it’s exhausting. Deep down I know how truly fortunate I am, really I do.

• Who could ask for a better “lemon drop” husband who thinks the world of me, everyday? Who loves me for who I am (no matter how crazy I can get) and makes me laugh daily.

• My children, how truly blessed I am to have two thoughtful and amazing children who make me smile and laugh daily no matter what’s going on around us.

• My extended family – the majority of whom all live in Washington and are here to love and support me and my family without hesitation.

• My dear, dear friends whom I cherish daily and am so very thankful for.

• My career – yes, incredibly challenging and I don’t love it daily but I have a job in my field of study that pays the bills (mostly).

So what’s the problem? Why the feelings of anger, frustration, exhaustion, and guilt (to name a few)? Is it because I don’t have a passion for life? Why on a daily basis life becomes such a chore – the responsibilities are huge and the pressures I lay upon myself are astronomical. And again I ask, why? Someone once told me, several years ago, I was “so irrational”. And of course that ticked me off – but I’ve never forgotten it because I think there is some truth behind it.

I want to be excited about my life – to have a passion for me, outside my family and other responsibilities. Not reserved and quiet but able to speak up and truly be excited for me and others I love and support. Something for me, of course I’m too nervous, self-conscious, worried what others will think to truly ‘let my hair down’ but as a first step, my passion doesn’t have to push the limits. But what is that passion? What fires me up, something I can’t wait to do? Is it dancing (no, to afraid what others will think and I have to be perfect the first time). What about sports; soccer, swimming, running. Good, but a lot of time, money, and energy. Clearly I can talk myself out of anything. Decorating/designing – again, good but expensive and my thoughts/tastes don’t always balance with others who live in my house. What’s out there for me and how do I find it?

I don’t know – do you know your passion, outside of your family? I challenge you to find it – something you truly love (I say again, outside of family). Is it crafting, photography, scrapbooking, painting, theatre – think about what truly excites you and follow it. Cut out time in your day or week to grow this passion – when I find mine, that’s my plan!

As I continue to ponder these thoughts, I will look for a life passion maybe even try something out! I need to find myself as I don’t truly believe I’ve ever really known myself but rather how I believe everyone else thinks I should be.

Writing – I enjoy writing. I express and communicate better through writing …hummmm, maybe that’s an avenue I explore.

Thanks for reading,
Nick